An Introduction to Family Mediation

This information page explains a little of what family mediation is and a little about the role of the mediator.

About Family Mediation

Family mediation is about both partners of a relationship (that has ended or may be ending) getting together with an independent mediator to work out future arrangements for themselves and any children.

Mediation is voluntary and it is essential for both partners to agree to participate in mediation. Each will be asked to sign an agreement to mediate and agree to commit to the process.

Mediation is a process

The first stage is for the mediator to meet with each person separately in a private one to one meeting. This meeting is sometimes called a MIAM. In this meeting the mediator will give you information about mediation and the family law system and assess with you if mediation is suitable in your circumstances.

Once the individual meetings have taken place (they can take place on the same day) the arrangements for the joint mediation meeting can be made. This meeting usually take place with both of you in the same room together and is sometimes called an ‘around the table meeting’. It might be that it is more suitable for you to be in different rooms. This is known as shuttle mediation. The practicalities can be discussed at the one to one meeting.

Couples usually need between 2 and 4 meetings for child matters and between 3 and 6 for financial matters.

If you are divorcing, before making proposals about the final settlement, the mediator will help the couple to ‘disclose’ their finances to each other in an open financial summary. It is important to tell each other in a full and frank way what assets you have. Once you know what you have, you can make proposals from a place of knowledge about how you divide them. When the proposals are settled between the couple the mediator can draft them into a Memorandum of Understanding.

Mediation is fair to both clients

Mediators work in an impartial way; it is important that mediators don’t take sides or make judgements. Initially the mediator will speak to each client separately to ensure that they are entering into the process of t heir own free will and there are no contraindications to the mediation process.

Issues suitable for mediation

Mediation is suitable for all family matters between family members such as those who are parents, grandparents seeing grandchildren, elderly parents and their care needs, those disputing wills, displaced teenagers and their families.

Divorce and separation

In divorce and separation, mediation helps clients to look to the future. In the mediation we consider all issues, whether relating to arrangements for children, property and/or finance or any other issues you want to bring into mediation. Mediators don’t offer counselling or therapy.

Mediator Dos and Donts

Mediators can give information on legal issues between clients (for example about the legal process of divorce) sufficient to help them to understand what options are likely to be available. Mediators do not tell clients what to do or what is in their best interests but can help them negotiate an outcome that they feel is best for them. Mediators always suggest that agreements are considered by each client’s solicitors to ensure that they are in the individual’s best interests.

Children in mediation

When there are children in the family, the mediation will put their needs at the centre of any proposals. If both parents agree, the mediator can see the child or children privately to talk about what they want from their parents and what their needs are. This is significant information in the mediation but the decision – making remains the parents alone. The mediator carrying out the consultation directly with the child or children has undertaken a specialist training course and has Enhanced Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) checks.

Reasons not to mediate

If there is any reason why mediation might not be possible (eg. issues or threats of violence between you, or where there are concerns regarding the protection of your child/ren) it is still worth meeting with the mediator as we can consider what options might be available for you.